


I say the phrases that keep it all going

by emeriin



Category: House M.D.
Genre: M/M, Prison, rape is thought about but not actually shown, therapy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 14:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20047294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeriin/pseuds/emeriin
Summary: "Prison! Sorry, I thought I heard everyone else think that. I was in prison, you see. It was a long time ago, but still, you're curious. Never was raped, not raped-raped. Well, raped-raped, but not raped-raped-raped. *anxious laugh* Well, now that we've got that completely behind us." House deals in jail.





	I say the phrases that keep it all going

**Author's Note:**

> You know how Greg House is both a piece of shit and super relatable at the same time? This is me both dealing with stuff (I try to rationalize what's happened to me) and taking interesting stuff from the show, if I've got his voice utterly wrong I'm sorry. (title from Richard Siken)

He tells himself it doesn’t mean anything, doesn’t say anything about him. The fact that he’s shaking, slightly vibrating his cot, is just a body reaction to the shock and intrusion.

If Wilson was here, he’d probably still be lecturing, maybe kindly considering…, but he’d be telling House he was just trying to rationalize himself out of trauma, that he wanted to not be a victim so badly he’d act like he was above every and any human emotion.

Of course if Wilson was there, or more accurately he wasn’t _here_, this wouldn’t have happened. Glaring, lectures and manipulation when it came to Vicodin, all of which he would ignore and keep popping his favorite pills, he’d decided was a much better alternative to a guy who was now going to hold them just out of reach, keep upping the amount out of the six a day he needed, unless he was… good.

He’d never had to be good in his adult life, unless you counted having to keep his mouth shut and play nice, which again, seemed like nothing to complain about now.

But he’s going into the spiral that he told himself he wouldn’t go down. So he comes up with more reasons as to why he has his arms wrapped around his torso: it was a surprise and his brain always feels bad for not seeing something coming, something he should have figured out; his leg is hurting, the ever favorite reason for ever feeling bad; it’s cold and he hasn’t been here that long, it’ll take him time to get used to the thin sheets.

It wasn’t even actual rape. He knows he’s getting desperate now, but it wasn’t like anyone cared if you got fucked in jail, he got Vicodin and other goodies out of it, and a tiny portion of his brain told him that if anyone’s karma was asking for it it was him; fucking it all up with Cuddy, with Wilson, that stupid dangerous hope for his leg. Of course even if he got dragged into a hospital bathroom he’d still find a way to justify it. Angry patients, angry doctors etc.

That angle isn’t working. Detached and clinical might help. Rape is a lazy way to control someone. It isn’t the worst thing in the world, people are just trained to think that way. He could think of worse, he probably _did _worse.

He closes his eyes in frustration, he’s getting nowhere. He’ll handle it better tomorrow.


End file.
